Do you speak Kiwi?

Auckland from a distance.

I don’t know if I’ve ever suffered culture shock, though if I had it would have to have been about my third week in boot camp. The army is definitely a different culture, though I don’t know if getting discouraged that you keep getting shouted at and made to do push-ups can be considered culture shock… But I have known many people to get culture shock, and frequently it involves the little things; things like food or language, and while in both America and New Zealand the official language is English, there are times when this isn’t exactly clear.

I myself have never missed American food, though I think I’m unique in this regard. While in Iraq and Afghanistan I knew several people who spent long hours trying to decide what would be the first meal they would have when back in the States, and often times the meal they were craving consisted of their favorite fast food joint. I think perhaps I was too busy trying to get a hold of local food to realize I missed the food back home.

But the language aspect I can understand. It is Maori (pronounced like marry, but with a long ‘a’ like in Mars) language week here in New Zealand and a few phrases have been adopted in New Zealand English, for instance kia ora (yes, the title of my blog) is a Maori greeting, it quite literally means ‘good health’ but when translated by my bus driver in Rotorua into 55 different languages I learned it has far more meaning than just ‘good health.’ Unfortunately I’m not picking up a lot of Maori, the only people who speak a lot of Maori – are the Maori, and while there are plenty of them around, most speak English when not talking to other Maori. But to be sure it is a living language, and is having some influence in New Zealand.

As for the real differences in our two languages, most come from New Zealand having been British for so much longer than the States were. Not having been to Britain, I can’t say for sure how much of their jargon is Kiwi and how much is British, but it certainly isn’t American as I’m often reminded by Samantha and her girls… American can hardly be considered a language in polite company…

If you go into a produce shop in New Zealand and ask for a kiwi, they will look at you like you’ve lost your mind, here the only kiwi are the people and the bird, neither of which do they look kindly upon people eating… The bird is protected and the people… Well, it just isn’t polite to go around eating people. Some Kiwis are kind enough to point out the fruit are called ‘kiwi fruit’ and you’ll find them close to the capsicum, what we call peppers, but most Kiwi just look at you like you are speaking American.

Once you have your kiwi fruit, you can put them in the boot of your car, they don’t use trunks here, only boots, and should your car not start, you might have to lift the bonnet, no, not the hood, and see if you can’t figure out why your car won’t start. But maybe you don’t have a car, maybe you have a ute, short for utility, in the states we call these pick-up trucks, but here, you’d only call them that if you were looking to get blank stares from Kiwis.

If you live in a flat, what we would call an apartment, you can take your kiwi fruit to your flat using the lift, or elevator for those not verse in Kiwi. To get to your flat you might take a motorway, of course there are not interstates, you’d need states to have an interstate. You’d also take the motorway if you were going to the beach, but be sure to bring your jandals, what we call flip flops, and togs, what we call swimming trunks. You might bring along a lunch in your bum bag… Never – ever – ever fanny pack… You’ll be considered very rude talking about fanny packs, even in less than polite company.

Of course these are all different words for the same thing… The troubling moments come when we come to the same words or similar words and you still get blank stares. Auckland is pronounced ‘Oakland,’ when I try to explain Oakland is city not far from San Francisco and Auckland is the cities of sails in New Zealand, I always manage to get into arguments. They put an ‘I’ in their aluminum but they do pronounce the ‘I’ so it looks and sounds like aluminium. And of course there are Japanese cars, I’m not even sure how to go about explaining the differences in pronunciation… So I won’t, but rest assured, if you ask what they think of the latest Mitsubishi, you will get a blank stare.

Really I don’t imagine it will be long before people will need American-Kiwi dictionaries if they are going to travel between the two countries, but I suppose it may still be a while… As for me, I’ll keep my eyes out for kiwi while hanging out with my Kiwi friends all the while enjoying my kiwi fruit, and until next week, Kia Ora!

It's an old one, but should satisfy people requesting pics of me in New Zealand, me on Spence.

The Zoo

For several months now I’ve been hearing from Samantha “Your cat is so naughty!” and “You aren’t going to believe what your cat has done now!” Which is humours about this is the cat she was referring to is not Pharaoh, the little black cat I picked up in Fayetteville, but Cora, a little gray kitten in New Zealand I’d never met. Cora was one of the two surviving cats from a litter born in January while Samantha and her daughters were visiting me in the states. The other surviving kitten is a little black kitten named Tui (for a native New Zealand bird). Until June I hadn’t been to New Zealand and so had not met “my cat” her entire life. Of course she was my cat because she was naughty and when she misbehaved the girls could say “oh no, look what Sam’s cat did!” I was very proud of my cat.

Cora, named for the white spot on her chest

Now that I’ve met my cat, it is quite funny that she was bestowed to me because she is very friendly with everyone, except me. She has two cousins roughly the same age, William, a blond tabby, and Montgomery, (Monkey for short) a beautiful tortoise shell. All the others seem quite taken with me, but not my naughty cat. The mothers are Percy and Bronte, Percy being an affectionate little grey cat who doesn’t like to come inside at night (which is how we ended up with kittens) and Bronte a chubby little grey cat whose tail lays down flat on her back all the time, also a very affectionate little cat. To finish off the “Pride” are Oscar a little orange tabby who is slightly psychotic and hisses when pet and Balto, the king of the pride, both older males.

Monkey

Tui

William

The lovely Percy

Bronte, up close and personal

Scabby old Oscar

And last, the king of the house, Balto

Next, after the pride comes the pack, starting with George. George is Samantha’s dog, a big black and white mastiff mutt. Sam saved him from an owner who had gotten him thinking he’d be a big tough dog and unfortunately for them both, George is a big marshmallow… Unfortunately for George, when he wasn’t a big mean dog, his previous owner tried to beat him into being a big mean dog. Today George is a big happy puppy… A bit grumpy, and the cat’s favorite pillow (to his great displeasure).

George, everyone loves George...

Next is Sophie, an ornery little female dog who loves to play, pick fights, eat, pick fights and misbehave… Sophie is Emily’s dog, and is the only dog that was planned, she was picked up at the SPCA so Em might have her own dog. She is a bit too smart for her own good and manages to get into all manner of trouble if left to her own devices (such as chasing the herd) so she spends her days tied up at home if no one is around, is someone is around she is allowed to get into some mischief.

Last is Buster (named for Buster Keaton I believe) who was also saved in order to come to the pack. Buster is a weimaraner black lab mix (we are told intentional) but truth be told he is just another mutt like George and Sophie. He was the pup of a cousin of Samantha’s and when still just a bit more than a pup was playing rough with a kitten and the kitten was killed. Buster’s owner was livid and was going to have him put down, but just before he made the walk down the green mile, Sam’s cousin called her and asked if she’d be willing to take Buster, and would never have been able to say no, couldn’t let a perfectly good dog be put down… Or Buster…

Sophie and Buster in flight

And so finishes the pack, which leaves the herd. Sam’s first and oldest horse is Cullen, don’t tell him he is the oldest, he won’t hear of it, and really, for being the oldest he isn’t much worse for wear. He is a white quarter horse thoroughbred cross with the attitude of a pit bull. He loves to bully the other horses (though Seth will have none of it) and is happiest when being ridden hard, fast, over large obstacles, or run up steep hills.

The Old Boys, Cullen and Seth

Seth was Sam’s first pro, a little black thoroughbred that is also very happy to be jumping large obstacles. He, like so many of Sam’s pets was a rescue animal. While he had brilliant blood lines and was meant to be a great racer, a little too much of the wrong attention made Seth not good for much and he was well on his way to being dog food (bummer for a race horse with champion bloodlines) when Samantha picked him up for $150 NZ. With a little of the right kind of attention he became an excellent eventer (competitive jumping horse) but his early days of a little too much of the whip left him a little crazy. In the end after a bad jump (not his fault, but poor conditions) Sam put him out to pasture.

The beautiful and sophisticated Seth

Luna is Sam’s current eventer, a chestnut, German warm blood/thoroughbred mix the size of a house. He is a bit of a grump, and for being a horse purpose breed for war (as warm bloods were so very long ago) he is unusually skittish… A unique temperament for a horse whose purpose is to jump large solid objects taller than he is, but it isn’t the jumps that bother him, put a wall in front of him and tell him to jump it and he’ll jump it. It’s the little things he is skittish of, spotted horses, cows, little horses, plastic bags blowing on the ground peacocks, you know, the real scary things in life. His nick name (for his colour and because he is a big baby) is Elmo, which brings us to our most recent addition to the family, Scooter.

Zee German, Luna (Elmo)

Scooter is a chestnut thoroughbred Sam recently acquired with the intentions of selling on, but at the moment he looks like he might be a brilliant horse, and if that is the case I might keep him for myself. He is named for the Republican fall guy Scooter Libby, but with a Scoot and an Elmo, it only seems right we call these two ‘The Muppets.’ We are just starting to train Scoot but he already seems to be an excellent athlete, and is very eager to please.

Eager to please, Scooter... The other muppet

This is where I live; this is what I walked into moving to New Zealand. But then, honestly, I’ve always kinda wanted to be a farm boy, so it is really a dream come true… We shall see if it is everything it’s cracked up to be…

Welcome to New Zealand!

Kia Ora
For the next year I will be studying journalism in New Zealand. While I'm here I'll be writing about my experiences, posting pictures, sending news and editorials back to the Metropolitan (Metro's news paper), The Johnstown Breeze, and InDenverTimes.com, all of which will be posted here as well. I invite anyone and everyone to read and pass on what is posted. I will send out notices when something new has been posted to all those on my e-mail list, if you'd like to be included on this list, just fire me an email at hoppyduce@yahoo.com and request to be added to the Kia Ora blogspot. Thanks for reading and I hope you are entertained!

Sam